20 || What makes a day and ruins a moment

To see a friend again after 3 years makes my day.

To feel that I would make a new friend on the aeroplane (and I did!) makes my day.

To talk over the phone about work while I was away on vacation ruins the moment.

To walk 10k plus steps a day and to feel healthier, makes my day.

To leave the hustle and bustle and enter into a space filled with nature, makes my day.

Thinking about what to see, what to eat and where to go each day, makes my day.

To be able to sleep soundly each and every night, even those nights with lots of dreams makes my day.

To stay away from a toxic relationship (with the job) for one week makes my day.

To be surrounded by different languages (Japanese most of the time) and polite people every day makes my day.

To see an old friend and make new friends because wanted to share an Airpods, makes my day.

Helping cute couples take photos and keep on praising each other makes my day.

Taking photos with loved ones together at every stop makes my day.

To discover an interesting shop and found interesting merchandise makes my day.

To be able to have people to thank and to buy gifts for them makes my day.

To be able to share pretty scenery with lovely people around makes my day.

To feel good just because the weather is nice makes my day.

To be surprised by the museum that I thought I will not be interested in but found to be super fun, in the end, makes my day.

To be able to walk until the feet are sore and feel good to be healthy makes my day.

It still makes my day when I think we have brought the weather there back home these few days.

I miss there, missing the air and the people and those cute greetings everywhere.

I miss feeling healthy again and being able to walk 20k steps per day.

Every day is like an adventure, feeling tired and worried but exciting.

I wanted to see more.

And I wanted to say, Taiwan, I am going to miss you so much.

And I think I still do after many years.

;)

19 || Choices for Adults

Crying loudly.

This can never be a choice for an adult.

18 || Understand

I do not understand.

Why work should looks like this.

I do not understand.

Why am I feeling like this.

I do not understand.

I déteste the feeling of being misunderstood.

Maybe it is just because I have a strong pride.

Take down the pride, my dear.

As it will not help you go any further but just sink you down.

Waaaaaaaaay down.

17 || 工作

亲爱的，你要永远记得，你有工作可做便有薪水可领。

你一点也不委屈。

你付出的时间和承受的压力，皆有薪水可领。

你一点也不委屈。

也因你有薪水可领，却无奈地身体健康暂时负荷不了你需要的精力。但是薪水用来给医药费却绰绰有余。

你一点也不委屈。

见医生的时候，对于自己脱口而出的要健康还是要钱的时候，我不禁莞尔。

那样的我，还剩下，多少时间呢？

16 || Aoteora.

 I never thought that I had the courage.
When the sent button was clicked, I felt relieved.

Kia ora, Aoteora.
I never imagine myself saying that.

This is an adventure.
This is life.
This is the feeling good about being alive.

I thought I picked up, what I wanted in my life.
I found it and I lost it.
Day by day, this feeling becomes stronger.
I felt that I had a grip on it then it slips away.
Isn't this what I always wanted?
I always question.
I try to ask and ask and hopefully one day.

I found the way.

The green pastures way.

15 || When it rains at night

I miss you.

Maybe because is raining too, that night.

Maybe it is because of I really miss your cuddles, that we are having lesser recently.

I do not know why but I did, having these feelings of having and losing at the same time.

Maybe...that's love?

14 || Take a leap

We were at our high school carnival.

There are not many people around, but it feels festive.

I walked around, looking for something.

Meet up with you and friends.

And then you suddenly held my hand, we sat on the top of the water fountain.

Black small tiles, shallow water, three tiers fountain descended with slopes.

We sat at the top of the fountain together and feel the excitement of the trip going down the slopes.

We screamed loudly because it was fun.

I wanted to stay longer but here comes the head of discipline.

I am feeling lucky because I get to play before she finds out.

Here I am, wide awake and feeling funny and happy.

How long it has been since you try to do something silly? 

Something that you will burst into laughter whenever you think about.

I am not sure, so unsure to decide.

Whether to leave or to keep holding on.

But how to hold when I do not have the passion and reason to hold on?

Je pas.

13 || You are heading south

You are heading south.

At the end of July.

By the beginning of August.

You are heading south.

We had only have lunch together twice.

And I think that you dislike me.

You are heading south.

You are surprised that all of us know about this.

It is like you would like to leave in a silence and would like to stay mysterious until the end.

You are heading south.

You make me realise that not all and everything can be solved with a friendly smile.

Things might go the other way round if I do so, to flash a friendly smile to anyone I met.

You are heading south.

I wish you all the best in your future endeavors.

And I smiled, when I choose to forget how you make me feel.

Thank you, for everything that you have taught me, directly or indirectly.

12 || High School

Maybe I cried too hard last night.

I was given a glimpse of the future of what I wanted to be.

To have freedom.
To be able to take care of myself.
To go anywhere I wanted to go.
To love and to be loved.
To open my heart.
To be courageous and think a bit lesser when I want to do something.

I used to be so.
But I do not want to be reckless.
Slowly, I felt like I could not unravel comfortably in front of anybody.
I am not the little girl anymore.
I have to wear my big girl pants to own up my everything,
to not act recklessly.

I slept so well.
So well until I woke up with the sound of water droplets.
They are dripping from my mattress cover into a red pail.
But I am sleeping in my bed comfortably and dry.

I walked on a street.
It was very happening like those days during B.C..
I chattered happily with my friend over the phone.
We have not met for a very long time.
And we about to meet, very soon when the sun is just about to go down.

Another call with a close friend.
We are happily talking about last night.
Where we were drunk but we have forgotten.
I got a bottle of water poured over my pants.
She got Man Yih singing aloud in her neighbourhood.
I guess we had a very, very fun night.

It was a very very very nice and cozy dream.
It keeps me warm in my fuzzy blanket.
On a Saturday morning.
And I am so ready for the day to start.
Bonjour!

11 || Home, let me come home.

I had always pictured this scene in my head.

Green pastures.

Rays of golden sunlight.

Apple trees.
Baaaabara-the-good-old-sheep.

Some places like Australia or New Zealand.

Home, I feel like they are calling me.

Watched 'A perfect pairing' last Friday.

and I cannot deny that there is so much happiness I felt through the screen.

The green pastures are calling,

calling out to my heart.

Asking me to come home.

I smile. I am smiling with my mind, my face.

With my liver too.

10 || It is a gloomy day.

It is a gloomy day.
There is no direct sunlight.
Still, we all know that it is daytime.

It is a gloomy day.
The sky changed its tone to dark blue.
Everything was dark, cold and gloomy.

It is a gloomy day.
I am feeling thankful to be able to sit in my bed.
And keep cosy with my fuzzy blanket.

It is a gloomy day.
Surprisingly, I do not feel gloomy.
But feeling lots of peace with myself and everything around me.

It is a gloomy day.
And it is cold.
I feel like reading The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe with a cup of warm water in hand.

It is a gloomy day.
I am on sick leave and in my bed.
Thinking about lots of things that I can do and I cannot do.
Hoping that the sun will break through the united gloomy clouds.
And shone a ray of sunlight on all of us.

I love sunny days.
But I do not hate gloomy days either.
Only if I get to stay cosy with warm water and my favourite book.
Gloomy days can be great, too.
For it is a gloomy day.

09 || You are my sunshine

刚刚看完《何以笙箫默》，我总是会被这些 happily ever after 的故事吸引。

我总会被这些故事温暖到。

啊啊你看男女主角披荆斩棘、了解了彼此之后发现对方还是自己要找的人，或许这就是最好的浪漫了吧。

啊啊你看我就知道这男女主角之间的故事就是要那么揪心、那么坎坷，要不然怎么在有情人终成眷属的时候会觉得很感动呢？

奇怪的是即使感觉上故事铺陈、情节都差不多一样，这些言情小说总能够一遍、一遍、在一边地温暖我。

感觉上这个故事在说的就是“错过”。

是那种“错过了没关系，过去的都不重要”的错过。

是那种“如果我们没有在7年前错过彼此就好了，现在应该也不需要绕那么多远路了吧？”的错过。

是啊，错过了真的没关系的。只要心里依然挂念，只要还有缘，两个人总要相见不是吗？

感谢作者把这么温暖的故事带给大家.

You are my sunshine 是我的电话铃声，这让我感觉每一通电话都是会让人心情愉悦的电话。

是啊 生活需要愉悦。

也需要温暖。

祝你的生活里有喜悦也有温暖。早日找到你生命里的sunshine。

08 || I have gotten used to waiting for you to come home.

I have gotten used to waiting for you to come home.
It was a very peaceful moment.
After dinner, after all of the night's chores.
Just me sitting in front of the laptop, with a bottle of hot water.
Waiting for you.

I have gotten used to waiting for you to come home.
It is like a close chapter for all books.
To see you come home is like the last chapter of my day.
Before I say good night to the day.
Before I bid goodbye to the day.

I have gotten used to waiting for you to come home.
I fell in love with the kitchen light.
Which I switched on just to accompany me to wait for you.
No TV, no radio.
Just the light, the night and the silence.

And waiting for you.

When the cold night wind blows, I think of giving you a warm hug when you walk in.
When I feel that I am a little bit hungry, I think of handing you a bowl of hot miso soup when you walk in.
When I feel a little bit sleepy, I think of drying your hair for you when you are having your hot dinner.

When I miss you, I will just start to have all these imaginations playing on in my mind.
Think about our future together.
And all thanks to you.
It feels good.
It feels very good.

Thank you and love you.

07 || It is all where it starts.

Fire.
Burning red and orange and yellow.

Heat.
Pressuring the skin with more warmth than required.

Passion.
A type of feeling when heat meets fire.

I have been living under a roof for so many years.
Until I have forgotten how lucky I am.

To have shelter, to have food.
To have clothing, to have water.
To have a bed, to have a blanket.
To have a family, to understand unconditional love.
To have a job, to ponder and plan what to do next.
To be protected by the army, the police, the firefighter, the white coat fighter.

To live in a safe and peaceful place, without war.

I am grateful and thankful to be able to live in this place, well protected by our warriors.
I am proud of every single one of them, thank you for making this place safe for living.
Thank you for taking care of us.
Thank you for having this job as your passion.
Thank you for having this job to feed and support your family.
Thank you for having this job to help others.

Thank you, despite a lot of stressful moments.
Mentally and physically taxing and draining. 

Thank you, for staying in the position and protecting and fighting for what is right.
Thank you very, very, very, very, very much.

和家人一起看完了《火神的眼泪》，

好像看见了基层警消人员这份工作带来的、各种层面上的困难。

突然想起自己好像忘了自己到底有多幸福。

很感恩，我还能够被提醒。

感谢生命给予的一切。

万分感恩。🙏

06 || It rains.

It started to rain.
After a very, very, very hot day.
The rain falls slowly.
Very, very slowly and then disappear into the ground.

I felt a warm and rough hand,
Caressing my back softly and slowly,
Telling me that it is okay,
I have gone through those times, too.

The sound of rain.
It is very, very, very soothing.
Sooth enough to calm my heart.
Telling me that it is okay to have lots of voices in my head.

The heatwave that is carrying the rain.
Kisses my face and skin softly.
Telling me that it is okay that you are good, but not good enough.
I still love you, very, very, very much.

I started to feel tears on my face.
After a very, very, very long time.
Telling me that it is okay.
I got you, so it is okay.

It is okay to cry sometimes.
And to feel alright after that.

It is a hot afternoon when the rain comes and took my sadness away.

:)

05 || Oh where is dream?

Mercury retrograde has begun.
It was yesterday.

The air was unexpectedly stuffy.
The weather was unexpectedly hot.
My relationship with superiors and colleagues seems to develop in an unpredicted way.

I am not sad or disappointed.
When I was told that I did not perform well recently.
It feels bizarre when I felt relaxed at the moment when I heard the statement.
It feels good.
Like I am initially not suitable for this job and I knew it.
From the very very beginning.

One weird feeling has started to grow within.
Yes, this is it!
I told myself.
Everything is leading me to somewhere where I always wanted to be. 

I believe, and keep on believing.
There will be endless light above, way above the trees.

And here comes the dream.

04 || Two Arelis

Just finished watching a Korean drama called 'The King - Eternal Monarch'.
Was thinking about what if a parallel world does really exist?
Or maybe tons of them do exists.

There will be Arelia, Aurelia, Areliza, Ariel, Arty, Alia, etc in this universe.

I really wanted to become an English primary school teacher and I could not be one.
So I think maybe Arelia or Alia is now a happy English teacher who really enjoys what she is doing in her world.

Maybe I should think so and wish Arla or Ariel all the best.
And thank them for realising my dream with their life.
Anyhow, I am quite content with where am I right now.

At least I have tried, I have applied so many times.

总算是对自己有个交代了。 

03 || Those good old days.

Those good old days.
Where I still wear those green dresses that are not long enough to cover my knees.

Those good old days.
Where I consciously know that I have to appreciate every single second of playtime I had.

Those good old days.
Where I spent hours and days, role-playing with my Barbie dolls.

Those were the good old days.
Those days are genuinely happy, lonely but memorable.

There are those good old days too when I am not that lonely.
The millionaire board game we kept on playing for days.
Those days running barefoot on hot sands during the afternoon at grandfather's place.
Those precious on-screen hours with games and movies that we treasured a lot.

Time does not go backwards and it should not.

So I am sitting here reminiscing my good old days.
Where I treasure a lot, where I always will.

02 || I want to pick up reading again

I planned and planned
I thought about it over and over again
I am going to pick up my reading habits again

Somewhere near January
Or maybe not, maybe March
Or maybe now?

I am going to pick up this habit again
For the sake of my good dreams each night
For feeling grateful that I get to immerse myself in the stories each night

The power of words
The power of imagination
The ability to read

It really can bring you anywhere
As long as you can put them into words

The Oracle of Stamboul always gave me a very special feeling (like I am really travelling to that place) each night when I read it. I finally realised that I do love fiction novels!

During the casual talking session today, I was asked if I am reading any books.
I said no, I watch drama series and movies most of the time.
I only read books when I feel like I want to.
Maybe that was not a very good explanation but I do think and agree that watching dramas and movies does encourage thinking like reading.
It depends on how you look at it.

Whether it is a half-full
Or is it half empty?

It depends.

01 || It is late to go to bed,

It is late.
It is late to go to bed.
So I sit down in front of my desk.
Trying to write something down.

Dad's snoring is distracting.
But I think this will be one of the sounds I am going to miss dearly twenty years later.
So I learn to see everything as something cute in disguise.
Try to see things in another way.

I am good.
I am doing fine.
So I try to write all these down.
Trying to remember all these feelings.

Where I hid them into these words.

Just wanted to simply write something down.
Take time to appreciate every single thing in life.
Feeling thankful to be given life.