9 || Yellow

Some kind of feeling.
Like being hit by a ray of yellow light.
Bright, shallow, but warm enough to wrap me up.

I closed my eyes.
I opened up my arms.
I took my first step.
I dance away.
I twisted and turned and stopped at the end note.

Feeling the warmth.
Feeling myself.
Feeling you.

You, you heat up my heart.
It is you, you make me feel alive.
You make me feel that it is great to feel alive.

I want to record this feeling down.
The feeling of, turning on the heat lamp in the shower.
It was all yellow.

8 || Run away

I do not know.
It is just some kind of feeling inside.

Like I am trapped.
Trapped in a place where I do not know what I should do to get out of it.

Where to run to.
What to do.
Who to look for.

How am I getting out of all these?

Stop thinking and get some rest.
It feels like I am invited to this.
Hey, it is okay to stop.
It is okay to rest sometimes.
It is okay to not feel so restless sometimes.

There will always be light at the end of the tunnel.
So chill and relax, okay?

7 || It feels like

It feels like something.

Some kind of emotion.

Is about to burst.

Burst out of my body.

I just feel like dancing.

Dance like there is no one else.

6 || A needed closure

In that dream, I cried so hard.

So hard until those acquaintances look so awkward like they never expect me to cry.

I guess my main story line will be the same, it is just I chose which path to reach there.

I still miss Aoteora, in a sad way.

Which makes me think that maybe, I need to do something about it if I can.

I am not sure how will the plan of a trip to south island will unfold. 

I just hope that no matter this trip is going to be the closure when the time is right, I am able to smile every time when I'm reminiscing my time there.

The lack of water element in the star map indicates someone without their own style while expressing themselves.

That solves the puzzle of I am, mostly emotional absent.

But that's another riddle to find out I guess.

I will find my way, anyhow.

Hope to see you again, Aoteora.

5 || Scripting

I know what and when I want to do something.

I have the ability to do and know what I wanted to do.

I believe in myself.

I don't doubt and I never.

I can do it.

I used to love blue skies just by themselves, but recently I found out that they look better with other colour contrasting the blue, blue sky.

Like green. 💚

4 || Expressing gratitude.

感恩所有的不期而遇，更感恩所有的相遇。

感恩所有的相遇，即便只是一个擦身而过。

今天出门前有着强烈的感觉，好像会遇见一位很想要对方喜欢我的人。

不管这一天里到底会不会遇到那个人，不管是否因为我的一时大意和对方擦肩而过，

我都很感恩。

3 || Missed the station to get off

It is the first time ever, it took me longer to reach home.

I took trains several times a week, but this is the first time I missed my station.

I was late for my tennis class already but still, I really did not notice anything when the train stopped at the station I should get off.

Feeling worried, heart pumping super fast, I stepped out of the train.

"Everything happens for a reason." I told myself so.

When I lifted up my head and look at the sky after I exited the train station, I smiled.

I smiled, from my liver to my face.

My keeper wants me to miss my train station and reach the station at this timing with the thought of wanting me to see this.

The golden 30 seconds of the day.

I almost cried inside of me because of feeling touched that how my keeper did when it wants to show me something.

But actually, I already got the hint that morning when I'm on my way to work. It is just, I didn't really see it until I saw the golden 30 seconds.

Thank you keeper, thank you for everything.

Thank you for welcoming me to be connected with you through Kinaki.

Thank you for inviting me and Kinaki into your house and have a close chat together.

Thank you for always showing me tje right direction and assuring me the path I am walking is right.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. ❤️

2 || 好想哭

夜深人静

我不知道自己在感受什么

为什么不能够简单点

我是不是只要继续留下来

就会把马来西亚过得像纽西兰那样

各种错综复杂的关系

关系崩塌

误会

等等的全部

我想要世界只剩下家人

那我就可以任性

我就可以做自己

毕竟家人就是家人

没有人会离开

没有人会被谁抛弃

我们永远在一起

1 || 2023 Recap

一直以来对于这篇给白羊的话感到不解

今天在把kobo app删掉之前重新读了一遍才发现唐老师真的是预言家。

本来打算不离开奥克兰却在那天夜里被确定我让室友很恶心之后下定了决心

后来真的离开了感到如释重负，原来我也可以做得到啊，这种肯定自己的感觉，很好很好。

再后来是发现自己可以自主地做更多更多事情，便也更加确定接下来自己想要更多这样的事情加入自己的生活里。

嗯，回顾2023，我很庆幸自己已经成功突破枷锁，接下来就朝着自由、不受捆绑的方式前进，迎接水瓶时代吧 xD