08 || I have gotten used to waiting for you to come home.

I have gotten used to waiting for you to come home.
It was a very peaceful moment.
After dinner, after all of the night's chores.
Just me sitting in front of the laptop, with a bottle of hot water.
Waiting for you.

I have gotten used to waiting for you to come home.
It is like a close chapter for all books.
To see you come home is like the last chapter of my day.
Before I say good night to the day.
Before I bid goodbye to the day.

I have gotten used to waiting for you to come home.
I fell in love with the kitchen light.
Which I switched on just to accompany me to wait for you.
No TV, no radio.
Just the light, the night and the silence.

And waiting for you.

When the cold night wind blows, I think of giving you a warm hug when you walk in.
When I feel that I am a little bit hungry, I think of handing you a bowl of hot miso soup when you walk in.
When I feel a little bit sleepy, I think of drying your hair for you when you are having your hot dinner.

When I miss you, I will just start to have all these imaginations playing on in my mind.
Think about our future together.
And all thanks to you.
It feels good.
It feels very good.

Thank you and love you.

07 || It is all where it starts.

Fire.
Burning red and orange and yellow.

Heat.
Pressuring the skin with more warmth than required.

Passion.
A type of feeling when heat meets fire.

I have been living under a roof for so many years.
Until I have forgotten how lucky I am.

To have shelter, to have food.
To have clothing, to have water.
To have a bed, to have a blanket.
To have a family, to understand unconditional love.
To have a job, to ponder and plan what to do next.
To be protected by the army, the police, the firefighter, the white coat fighter.

To live in a safe and peaceful place, without war.

I am grateful and thankful to be able to live in this place, well protected by our warriors.
I am proud of every single one of them, thank you for making this place safe for living.
Thank you for taking care of us.
Thank you for having this job as your passion.
Thank you for having this job to feed and support your family.
Thank you for having this job to help others.

Thank you, despite a lot of stressful moments.
Mentally and physically taxing and draining. 

Thank you, for staying in the position and protecting and fighting for what is right.
Thank you very, very, very, very, very much.

和家人一起看完了《火神的眼泪》，

好像看见了基层警消人员这份工作带来的、各种层面上的困难。

突然想起自己好像忘了自己到底有多幸福。

很感恩，我还能够被提醒。

感谢生命给予的一切。

万分感恩。🙏

06 || It rains.

It started to rain.
After a very, very, very hot day.
The rain falls slowly.
Very, very slowly and then disappear into the ground.

I felt a warm and rough hand,
Caressing my back softly and slowly,
Telling me that it is okay,
I have gone through those times, too.

The sound of rain.
It is very, very, very soothing.
Sooth enough to calm my heart.
Telling me that it is okay to have lots of voices in my head.

The heatwave that is carrying the rain.
Kisses my face and skin softly.
Telling me that it is okay that you are good, but not good enough.
I still love you, very, very, very much.

I started to feel tears on my face.
After a very, very, very long time.
Telling me that it is okay.
I got you, so it is okay.

It is okay to cry sometimes.
And to feel alright after that.

It is a hot afternoon when the rain comes and took my sadness away.

:)

05 || Oh where is dream?

Mercury retrograde has begun.
It was yesterday.

The air was unexpectedly stuffy.
The weather was unexpectedly hot.
My relationship with superiors and colleagues seems to develop in an unpredicted way.

I am not sad or disappointed.
When I was told that I did not perform well recently.
It feels bizarre when I felt relaxed at the moment when I heard the statement.
It feels good.
Like I am initially not suitable for this job and I knew it.
From the very very beginning.

One weird feeling has started to grow within.
Yes, this is it!
I told myself.
Everything is leading me to somewhere where I always wanted to be. 

I believe, and keep on believing.
There will be endless light above, way above the trees.

And here comes the dream.

04 || Two Arelis

Just finished watching a Korean drama called 'The King - Eternal Monarch'.
Was thinking about what if a parallel world does really exist?
Or maybe tons of them do exists.

There will be Arelia, Aurelia, Areliza, Ariel, Arty, Alia, etc in this universe.

I really wanted to become an English primary school teacher and I could not be one.
So I think maybe Arelia or Alia is now a happy English teacher who really enjoys what she is doing in her world.

Maybe I should think so and wish Arla or Ariel all the best.
And thank them for realising my dream with their life.
Anyhow, I am quite content with where am I right now.

At least I have tried, I have applied so many times.

总算是对自己有个交代了。 

03 || Those good old days.

Those good old days.
Where I still wear those green dresses that are not long enough to cover my knees.

Those good old days.
Where I consciously know that I have to appreciate every single second of playtime I had.

Those good old days.
Where I spent hours and days, role-playing with my Barbie dolls.

Those were the good old days.
Those days are genuinely happy, lonely but memorable.

There are those good old days too when I am not that lonely.
The millionaire board game we kept on playing for days.
Those days running barefoot on hot sands during the afternoon at grandfather's place.
Those precious on-screen hours with games and movies that we treasured a lot.

Time does not go backwards and it should not.

So I am sitting here reminiscing my good old days.
Where I treasure a lot, where I always will.

02 || I want to pick up reading again

I planned and planned
I thought about it over and over again
I am going to pick up my reading habits again

Somewhere near January
Or maybe not, maybe March
Or maybe now?

I am going to pick up this habit again
For the sake of my good dreams each night
For feeling grateful that I get to immerse myself in the stories each night

The power of words
The power of imagination
The ability to read

It really can bring you anywhere
As long as you can put them into words

The Oracle of Stamboul always gave me a very special feeling (like I am really travelling to that place) each night when I read it. I finally realised that I do love fiction novels!

During the casual talking session today, I was asked if I am reading any books.
I said no, I watch drama series and movies most of the time.
I only read books when I feel like I want to.
Maybe that was not a very good explanation but I do think and agree that watching dramas and movies does encourage thinking like reading.
It depends on how you look at it.

Whether it is a half-full
Or is it half empty?

It depends.

01 || It is late to go to bed,

It is late.
It is late to go to bed.
So I sit down in front of my desk.
Trying to write something down.

Dad's snoring is distracting.
But I think this will be one of the sounds I am going to miss dearly twenty years later.
So I learn to see everything as something cute in disguise.
Try to see things in another way.

I am good.
I am doing fine.
So I try to write all these down.
Trying to remember all these feelings.

Where I hid them into these words.

Just wanted to simply write something down.
Take time to appreciate every single thing in life.
Feeling thankful to be given life.